I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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