Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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