I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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