I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
