I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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