I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
