we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize