i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
