You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
