And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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