I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
