I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
