Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize