cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
