I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Come share oat with me in your robe
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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