these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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