I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
