he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
