Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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