If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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