Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize