Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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