Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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