My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
