loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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