so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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