i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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