oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
