How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
