so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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