Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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