When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
