i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
