I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everclear isn't food dammit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
