Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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