no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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