I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
