I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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