if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
