dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
