Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
