lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
