dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
