apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
