i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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