Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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