Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
