I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
