Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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