How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He kissed a someone with a penis
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
