Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
