TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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