Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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