I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Randomize
