So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
