You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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