Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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