And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
