Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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