I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
