I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
